rebeccaweston

… forget technicolour, I see the world in aspievision…

Is that a smudge on my lenses?

2 Comments

At my desk, deadlines looming, I simply MUST concentrate…

It’s a bit warm, I’m having a hot flush, I’ll just take my jacket off…

As I type with the index finger and middle finger of both hands occasionally my pinky fingers lightly touch the keyboard, it tickles. I lift them higher, away from the keyboard, and they quiver with the effort and start feeling semi-numb. I stop typing to dig my thumb nails into pads on the end of my pinky fingers in an attempt to dissipate the sensation. It doesn’t work…

The fabric on the sleeve of my top is itching against the skin on my left upper arm; I stop to scratch it…

I reach over and start to highlight the lines on my paperwork that I have just reconciled, the scratching of the highlighter as it moves across the paper reverberates in the roots of my molars, I clench my jaw tightly so I can try to finish highlighting…

Is that a smudge on my lenses? I’m sure it is…

Tap, tap-tap, tap-tap-tap… Why is it some people type so loudly?… An engineer puts down the receiver as he finishes his phone call… silence, no-one is talking… except… TAP, TAP-TAP, TAP… CLICK, CLUNK-CLUNK… TAP-TAP… Now I can hear every keyboard in the office, EVERYBODY is typing, each keyboard with its own distinctive sound, layer upon layer of taps and clunks and clicks rising into a crescendo… A phone rings and breaks through the oppressive din of keyboards causing it to dispel and it once again returns to acceptable background noise…

I’m sure that’s a smudge on my lenses…

That’s definitely a hair from my fringe trapped between my glasses and my eye, I brush it away, I can feel individual hairs lightly touching my forehead, its itchy, I scratch my forehead…

Why do my glasses feel so heavy on the bridge of my nose?…

Now, where was I? I check my spreadsheet, no, I look at my paperwork, ah yes!…

I pick up the highlighter and go back to highlighting the lines I’ve reconciled, the scratching of the highlighter as it moves across the paper reverberates in the roots of my molars, I clench my jaw tightly so I can try to finish highlighting…

The underwire in my bra is digging into my rib cage, I try to discretely rub my finger through my top between the underwire and my ribs. The skin is sore and as I remove my finger all I can feel is underwire sitting against the sore patch, I wish I hadn’t rubbed it…

Now, where was I? I REALLY must concentrate, I have deadlines to meet!

… That’s definitely a smudge on my lenses… I’ll just wipe them…

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2 thoughts on “Is that a smudge on my lenses?

  1. you really have a gift with writing Becky 🙂
    Thank you for opening up, you are inspiring me to be more honest on my blog. Being ourselves is not always easy and yet it is very important to being happy and at peace with ourselves …. I think we are all on a journey and hopefully one where we grow in understanding of ourselves and others. I hope through this blog and the journey you are on you find the strength to be who you are for you are a wonderful person.
    Maria xxx

    • Thank you Maria,
      Glad you enjoyed my ramblings and hopefully it will help me reach a better awareness of who I am. I hope it does inspire you to open up too, we’ll both get there eventually 🙂
      Becky xxx

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